I am in the last full day of being away for a week and a half and the wear has begun to show on my wife J, who has Alzheimer’s disease.
Her caregiver reported that J yelled at her a lot yesterday and said, “I just want A.”
It did not help that J lost her wallet yesterday and felt bad about it. It was found today, but not before I had spent 40 minutes on the phone with the bank to cancel her ATM card. The bank made me conference J in, and we had a Who’s on First dialog before I finally got J to communicate that it was ok to cancel her card and issue a new one. On a joint account. (Note to self: send a copy of the power of attorney to the bank.)
Since this has been so tough on J, I wish I were having a better time. I am at a mandatory education seminar where we have sessions from 8 am-5 pm and then usually a dinner with a speaker. I’ve been here for six days. And it has been bitterly cold.
I can’t wait to get home tomorrow and I am trying not to anticipate what it will be like. J might be happy and loving, or she might be furious that I was gone so long. I also am conscious that time has different qualities in Alzheimer’s world. It might feel to her that I have been gone for six months or a year.
My sister, D, told me long ago that there is no point in predicting the future because whatever I imagine, it won’t be like that.
So I will do my best to go home tomorrow with an open heart.