Trust the Unfolding


The social worker has come and gone and we are waiting for J’s level of care assessment.  In the meantime, I have been looking at continuing care communities.  The process is excruciating.

A continuing care community is a place that has all levels of care, including independent living, assisted living, a specialized dementia unit and skilled nursing care.  This is important because J and I only have enough money for two to two-and-a-half years of private pay.  After that, J will be on Medicaid, and we need a facility that will not kick her out when that happens.  We live in a large urban area and this is not easy to find.  So far, we only have two options.  I have looked at one and will look at the other tomorrow.  As with most things in life, they each have their plusses and minuses.

On the advice of a friend who is a therapist at a continuing care community, I broached the subject of moving with J.  The response was not good.  Hence, the excruciating nature of the exercise.  And yet, I am pretty sure keeping J at home is not the best thing at this stage.  She has various caregivers three days a week, and goes to day care two days a week.  She seems to very much enjoy the day care, and we could increase her days there.  But we are getting to the point where I worry about leaving her alone at all.  I have found the key in the door multiple times.  I worry about her letting someone in when she’s alone.  I worry about her being bored.  And she resists having more at-home help than we already do.

Surprisingly, both of our children think it’s time for her to transition to a residential setting.  They think she will ultimately be happier there, and I’m sure they worry about me.  So we will see what the assessment says, and take it from there.

In the meantime, it seems that our son’s girlfriend is going to take our seven-year-old dog.  As I have written in a prior blog post, J can no longer take care of him, and it is too much for me to take on (although I have now been doing it for a while).  That will be a great weight off my shoulders.

And I am leaving on a long-planned two-week trip to China with my sister in three weeks and my plan for J’s care has just fallen through.  I am working on alternatives.  At least I have three weeks to tee things up.

Is it any wonder that I, who am invariably calm and in control, have been anxious and on the brink of tears for the last few days?

One of my rabbi’s stock phrases is to “trust the unfolding.”  I have been grabbing onto that thought and also dipping into Psalms, which I love.  I am in the process of reading the Psalms in order.  Today’s reading ends, “As for me, I am lowly and needy.  G-d, O hasten to me!  My help, the one who frees me You are.  Lord, do not delay.”  (Psalm 70:6-7)  May it be so.


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