To Life!

Like a kid with a scab to pick, I couldn’t stop myself from asking The Question: Do you know who I am?

“Gggrwhhh.  Bltxfthhhhh.  Pthrrrx.  Lawyer.  Zhgggfff.  Gluuchhhh.”

A few minutes later, I casually dropped, “Do you know my name?”  J made direct eye contact and said matter-of-factly, “I really don’t.” “My name is A.”  “Of course.”  “Are you married?” “No,” she said, with a hint of incredulity. 

So the moment has happened: J has only a tenuous grasp on who I am after 30-plus years together. Such are the ravages of Alzheimer’s disease. 

Oddly, my heart did not break. This is just another milepost on the Alzheimer’s road. 

Instead, my heart turned to last week’s Torah reading, the final portion before starting the new year. Moses is giving his last instructions before the Israelites will cross into the Promised Land, a place he will not go. Instead of expressing bitterness, he lays before the Israelites the choices they must make to either embrace blessings or curses. “I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day: I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life — if you and your offspring would live.”

As we all enter 5778, I wish for each of us to choose life. J still does, and so do I.

3 thoughts on “To Life!”

  1. This is really just one of the many sadnesses. My J seems to have struck up a relationship with a man at the assisted living. They seem very happy and she still knows who I am but there is no incongruity in her mind, it doesn’t seem. It’s strange, it hurts a bit, but mostly at this point I’m glad that it makes her happy because she isn’t asking to come home. Now THAT might be a problem…..

    Liked by 2 people

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