Step down

“Step down. Step down. See the lady fall over. Step down.”

These were the words of a young boy predawn on the top of Haleakalā, a volcano in Maui, after J tumbled while navigating stair-like rocks. The year was 2006, and I thought little of it at the time. In hindsight, however, and in combination with other early incidents, I wonder whether Alzheimer’s disease already had begun to erode J’s balance.

This anecdote came to mind after this weekend’s visit, when J so clearly has taken another step down, metaphorically this time.

I got to J’s continuing care retirement community in the late morning, and found her in the TV room of the memory unit where she lives, asleep in a chair. This is how I have found her each time I have visited during the last few weeks. She roused immediately at my touch and said, “Like it.”

At the suggestion of a staff member, I took her to get a belt. It was difficult to get J into the car. I literally had to lift her into the seat. (That’s one good thing about her weight loss….) Getting her to walk from the parking lot to the store was worse. She was shuffling her feet and I had to keep reminding her to lift them.

We made a quick stop at a grocery store, and J tried to wander out the door while I was checking out.

Our next destination was Wawa for a hoagie. I also bought J a bottle of water with a spout that required her to tip the bottle up and squeeze. After I held the bottle up and squeezed it for her, she finally got the hang of it. It reminded me of when we taught our toddler son how to use a straw.

She liked the hoagie and ate well, but she closed her eyes at points as though she was going to go back to sleep. She also usually looks out the window with interest when we drive around, but she intermittently closed her eyes in the car, too.

J is no longer acting aggressively, which is what sent her to a behavioral health unit a couple months ago. That’s good, but are her medications sedating her so much that she falls asleep? Is this just the progression of the disease? There is no way to know for sure.

I did speak with her psychiatric nurse yesterday. The nurse did not notice lethargy or mobility issues the last time she saw J last week. They are so apparent to me and to the staff members at the CCRC that it makes me wonder whether the nurse looked for anything other than aggressive behavior. In any event, the nurse promised to take a close look the next time she visits and possibly adjust J’s meds.

Where does that leave me? I just have to take comfort in the fact that J always tells me she loves me, that she enjoys whatever I bring her (especially if it’s a Wawa hoagie), and that our visits continue.

One thought on “Step down”

  1. Oh, the absolute perversity of that disease. You are …well, hard to get right words to say how I love and admire you in your courageous and loving persistence.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s